Posted by: syncopated1 | April 2, 2011

Chapter 12: The Fuck You Plan: Plotting Revenge is Okay…Executing Not So Much

This chapter is dedicated to Leah Cook, Kimmy Wong, and Jason Islas. The holy trifecta and illustrious masters of the Fuck You Plans.

There are points in our lives that bring us far from happiness and place us in situations even less flexible than being between a rock and a hard place. It is these points where we realize that we cannot avoid the difficulty, we can’t best the difficulty, in fact, we have no play at all. We have no choice but, in reality anyway, to allow the shit to wash over us in all of it’s smelly glory and look forward to the shower we can take when it has passed.

As Leah and Kimmy described to me last winter when I was in South America, a nifty method of mental separation for just such instances is the Fuck You Plan. These Plans, should not ACTUALLY be executed. For my part and understanding they are mental exercises to allow you settle and accept the cards you have been dealt. I repeat, given the nature, extravagance, and ridiculousness of these plans, do NOT actually exectute them. Or at least don’t pull me down with you if you do execute your plan.

The Plan is an alternate ending to a story in which you are allowed to create any scenario you want. You should feel free to foment as much unrest and revenge in your surroundings as to allow you to garner the satisfaction to equal as much discomfort as you feel in the reality of your present situation.

A very simple example, without going into too much detail, would be the use of subtlety. If someone wrongs you, but isn’t known for picking up on subtlety very well your Plan may include wearing clothing around this person that is intimately associated with the way they wronged you (the company they, or you, work for; a movie, a community organization, etc.) And while hanging out with this person, you make no reference to the clothing at all. At all. Thus having a private little victory in your mind that you threw the situation in their face for an extended period of time and they’re too obtuse to pick up on it. That is only a simple Plan. I have heard of Plans that involve setting fires to major transportation hubs, opening brothels, advertising illegal activities on very public billboards sponsored by the target of the Plan.

It doesn’t matter what the Plan is, all that matters is that you allow your mind to approach your situation from an entirely new angle. Your situation is that you are the victim. But the beauty of the Fuck You Plan is that you are the aggressor. As you explore this (again, only mentally), you are able to highlight exactly what it is that makes you so angry, sad, or unhappy. You are given the chance to recognize what it is you need to change in order to not be angry, sad or unhappy anymore. And you get the delicious chance to inflict pretend revenge upon those bringing you down. Once you have created your Fuck You Plan, you share it with a sibling or a close friend, have a good laugh, and then the matter is done. You should be feeling much better and be able to take that metaphorical shower I mentioned earlier.

Here’s a music video I’m sure most of you have already seen, but in a very misoginistic way, is the perfect example of the Fuck You Plan:

(and i apologize that the link is so long!)–5evXDJGRrOqgipc


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